i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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