I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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