my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
