I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
