he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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