It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
