would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
