he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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