He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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