marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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