I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
