I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
