the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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