Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
