We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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