Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
