Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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