literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
