Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
