Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
