can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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