You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
