That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
