We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
