He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your penis caused this!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
