My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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