you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
