dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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