that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
