i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
