Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
