Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Pooping to opera.
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