we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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