I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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