i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
