i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
