What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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