Just fell off a train. Bad.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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