We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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