I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
