Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
