I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
