dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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