This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
