Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
