Umm I'm too high to move.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
