your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
