My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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