just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
