Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
